I Hate It
by Crimson Darkness8
Summary: Cycles are hard to break. And cycles that are unhealthy are damn near impossible to stop.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They respectively belong to J. K. Rowling. Please don't sue me. (See how civil I can be. -)

Warnings: There is like one scene that gets kind of sexual but besides that this story is pretty tame.

I Hate It

_I hate it when you're like this…_

This time I find you in the astronomy tower. You're sitting under the window with a half empty bottle of Fire Whiskey in your hand. Your head is leaned back against the wall and your eyes are closed. You know that I've come to get you so you don't bother to open your eyes.

I sigh. At least I got to you before you could drink yourself into oblivion. As I walk towards you, you ask "Have you come to save me?" Your voice is barely audible but I hear you.

I crouch beside you and say, "Yes." My voice sounds wary and you open your eyes.

"My hero." You say it with no emotion and your silver eyes are cold.

I pull you to your feet and wrap your arm around my neck. I make sure the bottle is gone before leading you out of the tower. "Your place or mine?" you ask seductively.

"Mine." I say after a moment as I try to get you down the spiral stairs safely.

We make our way through out the castle as quietly as we can, making sure to stop and listen for Filch or miss. Norris.

Finally we make it to my room, having a little extra privacy is a perk of being Head Girl. You pull me towards the bed but I grab your wrists gently and tell you "Not tonight." You pout and flop down on the bed. I know what mood you're in and what you want but I just don't want to deal with it tonight.

When you realize your pouting isn't working, your expression changes to one of annoyance and you ask "So why did you bring me here?" I sigh again. This game of yours is tiring.

"I brought you here because I don't want you to do anything stupid."

You huff. "I wasn't going to jump out of the astronomy tower if that's what you meant." You're challenging me but I don't have the strength to argue with you so I turn around and begin to undress.

I'm about to put on my pajamas when I feel your hands wrap around me. Your hands are caressing my bare stomach and you're kissing my neck when I say "Stop it." You pause a moment before letting me go. I turn around to see you taking off your tie, shirt, and skirt before climbing into my bed, clad only in your grey underwear. Your back is turned to me and I finish getting dressed before getting into the bed with my back turned to yours.

_I hate it when you're like this…_

When I wake up the next morning, you're not there. I knew you wouldn't be but I can't help feeling disappointed. I dared to have the slightest hope that this time might be different. During my shower I lean against the wall and try to mentally prepare myself for the day ahead and what's to come.

As the day begins to turn to night, I realize that you're taking longer than usual to do what I know you need to do. Just as I start to think that you might skip this part, you, along with a few other Slytherin girls block my path in the hallway.

"Well if it isn't know-it-all Granger," you say with a smirk. Your mindless followers begin to snicker and I roll my eyes.

"Get out of my way, Parkinson," I say in an annoyed voice.

"Or you'll what?" you ask with a glint in your eyes. You're challenging me again but I'm not going to give you what you want.

Instead I push past you and your followers and continue on my way. This infuriates you though and you sneer, "How dare you walk away from me you filthy Mudblood!" Your words are dripping with venom. If it was a reaction you wanted, you got one. No matter how many times we have gone through this, it still hurts and infuriates me all at the same time when you say that. I remind you by swiftly walking towards you and slapping you so hard that the force sends your head to the right.

This isn't the first time that I've slapped you for calling me that. Normally I would tell you not to call me that but I'm too angry to do or say anything else right now. The smiles have fallen off your friends' faces but you're not thinking about them right now.

You recover quickly, turning your head towards me. We're both breathing hard from our rage, neither of us backing down into submission. Instead you grab the hand I used to slap you, your nails digging into my wrist. You lean into me while simultaneously pulling me closer and growl "You're going to regret that."

You're about to say something else but Harry and Ron come down the hall, apparently looking for me. "Hermoine, There you are. We've been looking— " Ron started to say before taking in the scene before him.

You let go of my wrist quickly and sneer, "This isn't over," before walking away. Ron and Harry come up beside me and Harry asks, "Is everything ok?"

I rub the wrist that you had in your grasp, trying to soothe the bruises you've left. "Everything is just fine," I say keeping my eyes on your retreating back.

_I hate it when you're like this…_

It has been one week since our confrontation and you kept your word. Had I not experienced your wrath and mean nature prior to our relationship, I might not have survived the last few days.

Even though I know that you wouldn't go as far as to intentionally hurt me, I play it safe. I made sure that I stay with Harry and Ron outside of the Gryffindor tower, but today I was careless.

I wanted to go to the library and study, which was the last thing Ron and Harry wanted to do on a Saturday. So I went by myself but I lost track of time. About an hour ago Madam Pince left and being that I was Head Girl, I was allowed to stay after hours for constructive reasons.

I'm using my wand for light as I read the newest volume of Hogwarts: A History, when I hear someone say, "You're so predictable." I know it's you and extinguish the light of my want, leaving the full moon that's shining through the window, to be our only source of light.

You step out from behind a bookshelf wearing only your skirt, school shirt, and a pair of white socks. No shoes, no robes, no tie, and no cloak and your eyes are shining dangerously. You're out for blood.

I kick off my own shoes, so that I won't accidentally hurt you, before getting up and walking towards you. I'm a little past the edge of the table before I'm close enough to see the hunger in your eyes. It is enough to trigger my own desire for you.

I should be wary of a trap but all thoughts of you exacting revenge on me are lost when you push your body firmly against mine, and whisper hotly in my ear, "I want you inside me." I moan loudly and you take that opportunity to crush our lips together.

I hiss loudly as you bite my bottom lip so hard that it starts to bleed. You suck it urgently and when I whimper you pull back a little, your eyes shining brighter than before. I bring your lips back to mine with bruising force and push you against the table.

My tongue is plundering your mouth as I sit you on the table. My hands make quick work of your shirt, my mouth following slowly behind. I'm biting and nipping at the skin on your collarbone. My tongue is worrying the bruises that I make, when you make a sound between a whimper and a moan and say breathlessly, "Hermoine, please…"

Your legs open a little wider and I smile against your skin. You gasp as my hand moves to your knee and begins traveling along the inside of your leg and under your skirt. I'm so wrapped up in worshipping you, that I don't hear the surprised gasp behind us. You're raising your hips to meet my hand and I don't realize that we're not the only ones here until I hear you faintly whisper, "Petrificus Totalus." I look up at you confused only to see that you're holding your wand. Your eyes are half lidded and filled with smoldering lust. You're panting slightly and your eyes are focused on me but your wand is pointed at something behind me.

I turn around and it dawns on me that this is a trap but it's not for me. Draco Malfoy is standing a few feet away from us frozen with a disgusted look on his face. I should have known. You probably lured him here with promises of doing something a kin to what we were doing. You knew I would be here and that I wouldn't resist you.

I turn back to you to see you with a confused look on your face as if you can't possibly understand why I stopped. And maybe you don't. I know that Malfoy means nothing to you and that he could be dead on the floor as far as you're concerned. I know that if I hadn't heard you hex him, you would have let me continue without once acknowledging him. Afterward you would have put him to sleep and erase his memory and we would have left him to be found by Filch or Madam Pince. You'll probably do that anyway.

I smile at you sadly before summoning my things and leaving you sitting on the table with a distant look in your eyes. I sigh as the library door closes.

_I hate it when you're like this…_

Tonight I find you on the Quidditch field. You haven't been drinking but I can tell that you have been out here for a long time because you're wet from the moist fog that has enveloped Hogwarts. You smile weakly at me when you see me coming but it doesn't reach your eyes which look dull grey instead of silver.

"What are you doing out here?" I ask softly once I'm a foot away from you. Your smile disintegrates and you look down at our feet.

"I got tired of listening to Draco complain about getting another detention when he didn't do anything," you mutter quietly before looking back up at me.

Because you're not drunk, you're not able to hide your feelings and I can see tears welling up in your eyes. Before I can say anything, you throw your arms around my neck and pull me into a hug. You burry your head in my neck and whisper "I'm so sorry." I wrap my arms around your waist and hold you tightly.

"It's okay," I say softly against your neck but that only upsets you more and you begin to tell me how stupid you've been and that you didn't mean to hurt me. I've heard this time and time again and begin to recite the words with you in my head.

Soon you come to a stop and pull your head back a little so that you can look at me. "I love you," you say quietly.

"I love you, too," I reply just as quietly before leaning in to kiss you. The kiss is light and gentle and sweet and it almost makes me believe that this is the last time that we'll have to go through this. But as you pull away slowly, the feel of your lips still lingering on mine, I know that isn't true.

I know that you love me and in some ways that's the problem. If we got back together, it would be great and we would be happy, but only for a while. At some point, you'll realize deep down inside that you're not supposed to be in love with me. In realizing this, you'll turn against yourself for feeling this way. Then you'll turn against me for making you feel this way. And finally you'll turn against the very people who say that you are forbidden to feel this way about me, unconsciously using me in the process to do it. And what you _don't _realize is that it's slowly taking away everything I have to give.

I take your hands from around my neck and hold them between us. I gaze at our linked fingers for a moment before sighing. I lean towards you and kiss your cheek before letting your hands go and walking away from you.

I want to desperately believe that I'm walking away for good, but I know that I'm not. In reality I'm just starting another cycle and I hate it.

I hate that the next time this happens, I won't be able to turn away.

The End

A/N: So what do you guys think? I was kind of shooting for a gloomy undertone. I don't know if I've achieved it though. I want to thank Danielle for once again being the beta for my story. Thanks again. Please review.


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